


Haven

by chanyeolanda



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:11:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanyeolanda/pseuds/chanyeolanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>I know it hurts you when I fucking shiver</i><br/>Well trust me, I was such a strong believer<br/>but what's the point in searching for that halo<br/>my eyes are blinded and my heart is shallow</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haven

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://infinitememe.livejournal.com/1884.html?thread=218204) for [](http://infinitememe.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://infinitememe.livejournal.com/)**infinitememe** .
> 
> Title and summary from Nell's _Haven_.

Sunggyu always puts on music when they have sex.

Woohyun can't listen to Nell without getting turned on now, without a slow burn starting in the pit of his stomach- without the acid burn of nausea climbing his throat, because he knows why Sunggyu plays their music, knows it's nothing to do with drowning their sounds out, nothing to do with sparing the other members (as if none of them knew exactly what it meant), and everything to do with Jongwan's voice filling the room, everything to do with Woohyun not being the person Sunggyu wanted- not really.

The best is when Sunggyu is fucking him, hips snapping as he thrusts into him, Woohyun on his back underneath him, dipping down to press his lips to Woohyun's, to sink his teeth into his lips and collarbone, when Sunggyu looks him in the eyes and has to at least acknowledge that it's Woohyun he's fucking, when Woohyun can pretend he's there because Sunggyu wants him there, because Sunggyu chose _him_ , not just because he's willing (god, he's willing, his desperation tears him up inside, his willingness leaves a sour taste in his mouth).

The worst is when Sunggyu makes him fuck him, settles himself on his hands and knees so he can't see Woohyun, when he tells Woohyun not to speak as he fucks him, and Woohyun can't say no, can't do anything but close his eyes as Sunggyu's moans meld with Jongwan's voice, sick lump in the pit of his belly melding with the arousal he can't will away.

When Sunggyu works with Jongwan, works on _Shine_ , he comes home with his eyes shining, effervescent ebullience evident in his every move, in every bubble of laughter and he shuts himself in his room and strains of Nell drift through the door and Woohyun stares determinedly at the tv, ignoring the furtive glances the rest of the members send him, shrugging off Dongwoo's tentative hand on his shoulder.

A week later, and Sunggyu is pulling Woohyun into his room, kissing him hard, his eyes shut tight, whispering 'shhh' against his lips, putting his hands on him, leader playing subordinate as Woohyun pretends to be in control, pretends that he's not being wordlessly directed, pretends he isn't just playing the role assigned to him in this fantasy, and bites his lip to keep any sounds from slipping out, any of his voice cutting through Jongwan's (Woohyun can't even view him as competition, because he knows that the man has won without trying, without even knowing he was in the game).

\--

It's just another day, just another day of Sunggyu kissing Woohyun behind his closed door, just another day of the members pretending not to know what they're doing with Nell audible through the door, and when Sunggyu doesn't tell him to be quiet, doesn't steal any words he might say with his tongue, Woohyun feels a bubble of hope in his throat- but then Sunggyu gets on his hands and knees on the bed, breath already heavy and Woohyun swallows the lump in his throat before kneeling behind him, not quite touching but close enough to feel his body heat, and reaches out. Jongwan's voice rings breathy through the air and a shiver runs through Sunggyu, and Woohyun feels his chest clench, his hand tensing where it hovers above Sunggyu's spine, and he closes his eyes briefly, clenching his jaw against the blockage in his throat before he lowers his shaking fingers to Sunggyu's skin.

A sound slips from Woohyun's throat when he slips in and he freezes, but Sunggyu says nothing, and nothing again when Woohyun experimentally says his name, and Woohyun feels dizzy because Sunggyu isn't looking at him and he can make a sound- and then there's a bitter taste in his mouth, because maybe his presence has just become that inconsequential, and a feeling he can't name is burning through his veins as he fucks Sunggyu harder than he thinks he ever has before, his hand winding around Sunggyu's waist to grasp his dick, desperate sounds falling from Sunggyu's lips.

'Say my name,' Woohyun rasps, his hips snapping. 'Say it.'

'What-' Sunggyu starts, his breath barely more than pants.

'My name, hyung. Say it,' Woohyun cuts him off, his hand stilling on his dick.

'Woohyun,' Sunggyu pants, and Woohyun's hand starts moving again. 'Woohyun.' Woohyun's hand moves faster. 'Woohyun, Woohyun, Woohyun, Woohyun, fuck, Woohyun.'

The words are tumbling out, a feverish litany of his name, Sunggyu's head hanging down, sweat glistening on the back of his neck, and Woohyun moves faster, uncontrollable, and when his name falls from Sunggyu's lips in a moan and clenches around him, Woohyun throws his head back, his teeth clenched in what he swears has to be one of the most intense orgasms he's ever had.

The room is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing and Nell until Sunggyu shifts, obviously feeling up to moving.

'What was that all about?' Sunggyu asks, a throwaway question as he starts cleaning himself up.

Woohyun's words slip out almost distractedly, halfway out his mouth before he realises he wants to say them.

'One and a half years and that's the first time you've said my name in bed.'

Something flickers in Sunggyu's eyes before his gaze drops to the mattress.

'Ah,' he says quietly and Woohyun feels a weight settle in his stomach.

"Not that I mind being called god,' he tries, but it rings weak in his ears.

Sunggyu's eyes are apologetic when he looks up and Woohyun suddenly feels sick. 'Woohyun-'

'Don't. Hyung, just- don't. Please.' Woohyun's voice isn't pleading and he's glad about that, but it's tired as his eyes fall shut. _I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear what we both already know, what everybody fucking knows, for god's sake don't say it out loud._

There's a silence and then Woohyun feels a hand on his thigh and he jerks his thigh away as he sits up, reaching almost blindly for his clothes.

Sunggyu's hand catches his elbow just before he leaves the room, his pants loose and undone on his hips and his shirt bundled in his hands and his eyes flicker up to Sunggyu's face, apologetic but matter of fact and Woohyun feels the bile rise in his throat. He just needs to get out, get away.

'Sunggyu, don't. I don't want-' Woohyun's voice is hoarse and he breaks off in favour of wrenching his arm from Sunggyu's grasp (he isn't holding on tightly) and letting himself out the room, resolutely not looking at any of the other members as he hurries to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and stumbling to the sink, dry-heaving until his throat hurts.

He stands in the stream of hot water from the shower later, his face in his hands as he gasps out breaths of air from a dry, burning throat, determined not to let any tears fall (and if a stray one escapes he can always tell himself it's water from the shower).

\--

A month, and Sunggyu hasn't so much as touched Woohyun and Woohyun hates the hole he feels inside of him, hates the needy craving for the feeling of Sunggyu's hands on him, and he corners Sunggyu and tries to keep the desperation out his voice as he demands 'did I do something wrong?'

Sunggyu looks surprised. 'I thought you didn't want to anymore, I thought you'd want me to back off.'

Woohyun stares and then snorts. 'Why? It's not like it was new information. You knew I knew. Everybody fucking knows, I just.' Woohyun takes a deep breath and closes his eyes against the tremble in his voice. 'I just didn't want to be more real than it already is.' Another snort, this time riddled with disgust, his fingers clenching into a fist. 'Fuck, I'm pathetic, why would you- not that it's _me_ , but- what am I doing, sorry, I'll-' The jumble of words proves ineffective and Woohyun turns to leave (to run, so he doesn't have to see the look of contempt that has to be on Sunggyu's face).

He's stopped by Sunggyu's hand on his wrist- not much force, but the lightest touch from Sunggyu can paralyse him.

He allows himself to be drawn towards Sunggyu, allows himself to respond to the gentle press of lips against his, allows himself to be pushed towards the bed as the same hands that broke him apart gently piece him back together.

They lie in the dark afterwards, arms touching, fingers brushing (not connected, not joined), and it's only then, as Woohyun is staring at the ceiling he realises what's different- it's completely silent.

Sunggyu hadn't put the music on.

'I thought being with you would mean I'd eventually grow to love you,' Sunggyu says quietly and Woohyun stiffens, every cell in his body crying to escape- but he can't. 'I hoped it would be a quick transition, a transference of focus.'

'Why are you telling me this?' Woohyun asks weakly.

'I'm not perfect, I fucked up okay,' Sunggyu snaps and Woohyun wants to laugh, because really, _he's_ getting angry?

'I don't know, okay,' Sunggyu continues, and his voice sounds annoyed, but Woohyun thinks it might be at himself, because there's no real venom in his words. 'I wanted to love you- I want to love you, I want to give you what you give me, but I'm not going to pretend to feel what I don't, I'm not going to pretend not to feel what I do, and yeah, I'm a fucking asshole who's using you because I don't love you, not like you love me but-' Sunggyu sucks in a deep breath Woohyun almost misses because of the prickling behind his eyelids he's trying to quell. 'Sometimes- sometimes I think I might be getting there.'

It's sad, Woohyun thinks, that that's the best thing he's heard in a long time.


End file.
